When Birthdays Hurt

May is an important month for birthdays. This month G turns 4 and Mr H turns 30. My sister and my nephew also have their birthdays this month. 

But there’s another birthday this month, which will bring with it it’s usual ache in my chest and tears in my eyes. My beautiful cousin Jessica should be celebrating her 30th birthday on the 4th of May, but instead we will cry for her, laugh for her, remember her and honour her in the best ways we can. Because Jessie tragically lost her life to suicide and left such a hole in our family’s lives. A hole that will never heal, but that we learn to live with even if not by choice. 

I will never stop cherishing the memories I have of Jessie’s infectious laugh or her exasperated sighs at me as we grew up. I will never forget her style and how she helped me find my own over the years. I’ll never forget the sleepovers in her bunk beds, the late night chats and the early mornings on holidays. Jessica, I’ll never forget your confidence and how I dreamed of being as sure of myself as you were of you. I will never forget how you’d roll your eyes at me when I said something babyish and embarrassing. But mostly I’ll never forget how you hugged me, and loved me and looked after me. I just wish I’d been able to do the same for you. 

The worst thing about losing someone, is the split second you forget they’re gone. And the physical pain as your heart breaks all over again. All year round we miss the ones we’ve lost, but birthdays, anniversaries and holidays just hurt that little bit more. 

My wonderful Aunty heads up events to make sure that Jessie leaves a legacy behind, to help those going through their own challenges with mental health and to try and stop another family hurting the way we do. Fundraising events to support the mental health charity MIND are set up in memory of Jessica, with this year being even more important to honour her would-be 30th. 

A team of very brave people, two of which are also my cousins, will be cycling from London to Amsterdam at the end of this month, which has in turn created more events; raffles, bake sales, collections and concerts, to raise as much as we can throughout this year. 

This post wasn’t supposed to turn into a plea for donations, it simply started as the late night out pourings if someone unable to sleep. 

But if it can help even just one person turn for help, or help raise something so that the help is always there should they turn for it, then that’s just an added bonus. 

There aren’t any words that can adequately describe the hurt and pain that you feel losing someone. Especially when they’re lost so young and with so many in answered questions. 

Jessica, we love you and we always always will xxx

If you would like to donate and follow the progress of the cycling team you can get more information here 

Meal Plan Monday w/c 30th April

I haven’t been posting for the last couple of weeks (life happens!) but I actually have still been meal planning!

I’m quite surprised at how well it’s going, but it’s making everything so much easier. Especially with the shopping, online ordering has made me ridiculously happy, if you follow me on social media you may already know!


Monday – spaghetti bolognese, garlic bread

Tuesday – lentil and spinach curry, rice, flatbreads

Wednesday – shredded bbq chicken, jacket potatoes, salad

Thursday – courgette and lemon linguine 

Friday – chicken enchiladas 

Saturday – no cook Saturday

Sunday – Sunday tea at my parents

What’s on your meal plans this week?

Mrs H xxx

Meal Plan Monday w/c 5th March

I’m giving meal planning another try. Every time I’ve tried before I’ve stopped after a week or so. But trying to get organised because taking the wild child on a weekly shop is getting more and more difficult. It’s either clashing with naptime or he’s just trying to escape the trolley and I leave in a rush forgetting half the stuff on my list.

Last week I placed my first ever order online for a weekly food shop. If you saw my Instagram stories you’ll know how ridiculously over excited I was for this event. Quite frankly, I could do with getting more of a life, but sod it. It was thrilling.

It was slightly nerve wracking, because we’ve all heard the horror stories about odd substitutions or missed items etc, but it went really well! I ordered with Iceland because they were the cheapest quite frankly, there’s free delivery if you spend £35 and they don’t substitute anything just email you on the day to let you know if anything won’t be delivered, and you’re not charged.

I was really pleased, the only thing missing was a bag of apples, everything else arrived in great condition, fruit and veg was fresh and meat had good dates etc.

I’m sure you’ve got the idea by now, but I was, and clearly still am, far too excited about this new (to me) world of online food shopping!

So now my routine will be to sit down on a Sunday and plan the meals for the week ahead, place my order online for delivery on a Tuesday (because I work on a Monday) and use my lunch hour from work to pick up any little bits that I couldn’t order online. Like today I nipped over for some cotton buds.
My meal plans won’t always be as long winded and rambling as this I promise!
Monday – BBQ chicken fajitas
Tuesday – Toad in the hole, mashed potatoes and peas
Wednesday – Cawl and dumplings
Thursday – Lasagne and garlic bread
Friday – Lentil curry, rice, naan bread, poppadum’s, dips
Saturday – No cook Saturday
Sunday – Mother’s Day tea (surprise!)
Do you meal plan? What’s your favourite meal to cook?
Mrs H xxx